A Note to the Public
To all that kindly lend their attention,
The frustrations with life can be almost playful at times. They bubble up around you; cloud your mind and thoughts. Careless and free, we play in the delightful bubbles, until they are inhaled. Anxiety feels like inhaling bubbles, or like the stream of air when you stick your head out the window, as it swiftly punches out your breath.
Does anyone else feel stress and the wear and tear of life, rusting away what you spent so much time polishing and preparing?
I feel burdened at times, the inexplicable pressure from society to be so many varying people through my day. We should change our dispositions with our clothes, but most of us neglect to take off what holds us heavy. I hope that in time, changes in mood become less significant, like the seasons regrettably do.
But it is not the expectations from other people that keep me up at night; instead it is the nagging and enticing thoughts of a contradictory paralysis. I commit to many things; from starting new books to new artworks and sketch-plans, to scraps of writings, and small sculpted things. I commit, but quickly side glance onto a new inspiration or distraction. Sound familiar?
When I go to bed at night, I rest with all the potential for what I could have accomplished, if I could fully commit. I waste time deciding what to do next, and that night rap my brain on what foolish infliction I have to cause myself. I want to learn so much, but just cannot wedge my time to accommodate all that I want from myself.
External forces from work and home life constantly intervene, and I take it out on myself. Both Alex Grey (The Mission of Art) and Ted Orland (The View From the Studio Door) have encouraged me to forgive myself for life's hiccups, which can distract me from my art, but as I catch myself going a whole week without posting on this blog, well, I realize that life's forces are still negatively affecting me.
In my opinion I feel oddly like a paradox; while I prefer quiet and calmness, I get agitated when there is little change or significant discovery in my life.
When I'm busy with at my day job, all I think of and want to do is my art or read new things. Yet when I have time to myself, particularly recently, I hit a road-block. It isn't so much a lack of inspiration but an anxiety and expectation that I make that art. When put on the spot, I often crash. I never could make a hoop-shot so long as anyone is watching, and I can't make art when my ego is breathing down my neck.
The Goal
So through all this, what I want to highlight is that 1. I apologize., and that 2. I want to do more.
I apologize to my audience: I am sorry not to provide you with a scheduled and dependable news feed of my art, and sorry not to prioritize this blog and the way that a communicate to each person directly.
I want this website to be a window into my artist life, but I want that window to be an open window to anyone. I am not the most social person, but every bit of support really means something, especially personal comments.
I want to connect with anyone who finds my art interesting, or appreciates my site! Please, email me or text, I want to show more art, but without feedback, sometimes I lose directive.
My goal and promise is to stay connected, keep sharing and enjoy the moments I do have in life when making art. I want to post more often, with more original artwork, and am determined to keep this blog going and interesting. I am always working on new things, and while I don't always provide routine updates, know that I want to post was much as I can.
Thank you all for reading, and remember to take time in your day to do what you truly love.
Yours virtually,
Tyler A Deem