Back near thanksgiving I visited Washington D.C., where my parents live. For the first time since I was very young, I visited Mount Vernon, and was able to see the very earth that George Washington lived, grew as a person, and died. It's strange how I get a different impression of him than of the great legend he has become. What's peculiar to me, is that instead of seeing a great self-made man whose existence seems eternally respected, I saw the existence of a very real man, with flaws and personal secrets and simple pleasures just as any other.
What made him so great in the eyes of others? What makes us recognize others as great people or artist, aside from their ideas, actions and opinions?
What, in our minds, separates us from someone who has come to define a place or time in history. Washington was a man like anyone, one who read books because they interested him, built upon his own house due to his passion for architecture, and left a great impression on others because it was his joy, not his goal. George Washington was not trying to write a glorious biography of himself with his actions and interests, he merely engaged in what he found important and others took notice.
Seeing the reality of such an icon's home seems to me a confirmation that my own life and dreams are feasible. By filtering what others think and say for the sake of what inspires you, by letting go and allowing your life to reveal itself.
I can often say honestly that it is not recognition by others that I long for, or acceptance or appreciation, but that I am facing my own convictions, where it is my own acceptance I want. The first person it seems I am trying to please, trying to convince of my worth and abilities is to myself. Why do I feel I am both the key and the door to my potential, but that the key is a phantom key, of unknown.
Edward Savage, The Washington Family, 1796.(Located in National Gallery of Art, D.C.)
(While Washington was often depicted as a great general and natural leader, his allegiance seemed always to return to his family and home. Savage's painting of his family illustrates Washington's dedication to family values, especially after his step down from office.)
BEING REMARKABLE
Around the same time I watched the film A Theory of Everything, about the life of Stephen Hawking. It is a provocative story of one person, limited by their circumstances, yet a movie where there is little self-doubt and the greatness of a not-so-ordinary person shines through.
I question, does it take a remarkable person to make a difference or does it take remarkable ideas to make a difference?
Surely it is a combination of both. It is strange to witness such potential in yourself, but also feel restricted by some unknown force. It seemed that Hawking learned quick due to his personal circumstances, and from it I learned that when one dwells too much on circumstances or context, that it obstructs the potential for something great. If Hawking was too busy concerned with his disability, he would not have had the energy to focus on his passion for physics. He was able to find Physics as a medium of expression, similarly with George Washington who found expression in his new founded freedom of lifestyle.
So why do I feel like my medium and inspiration is our of reach, merely an apparition?
I often sense that the reason I don't know what I want to do, is because I am too focused on what it is
I am doing. Its as if the issue is my difficulty in recognizing what circumstances are attributed to me. What I want to do, what drives me, does not exist in ideas or words yet. It is as if they are yet to be explained, but when I can get a hold of the essence of my passion, I might reach some self-realization that leads me in the right direction. Like Washington or Hawking, I must surrender myself to it, and understand that it is the unknown that inspires me, not the known.
WHY DO WHAT I DO
Why do I do what I feel I must do? What are my goals, for me and for everyone. If I could figure out my goals then hopefully all my work could naturally point to it, where that which is created is also that which is used to discovery it.
The goal is not knowledge, that is is a positive outcome.
The goal is not success, it is an outcome.
The goal is not self-satisfaction, it is a desired outcome.
The goal is Why? Why do what I do, for what great reasons and in what remarkable way?